Can I change my C because I want to? Or am I avoiding "the work" here?

I am in the weeds and would love help finding clarity and consistency in my thoughts. I feel as though I start over every morning and have to coach myself to a place of neutrality every day. Even then, I am in the river of misery. Is this normal or has something gone wrong?

I am currently running 2 businesses.

Business #1 is in my town and I’ve made about 45K profit consistently in the last 2 years. I sell an $8,000 academic coaching/brain training package to parents of students. Through my work in Scholars (and Stacey’s 2k for 2k) I’ve been self-coaching on my belief in myself, my product, and my client. I’ve been taking massive action. My goal is to make 100K profit and I’ve been working toward that goal. Fact: sales have gone down.

C Brick and Mortar Business made 5k in September and 3k in October
T Sales are down even though I’ve been working on my thoughts and taking action
F Disgust
A Actively want to close this business.
A Find evidence for it not working
A Find evidence for coaching being a better fit for me (11 clients + waiting list of 28 potential clients)
A Keep taking action, but not from a clean & neutral place
R Sales stay down + my thoughts and actions feel like total crap

Business #2: I created a podcast for adults with ADHD in January and from that, coaching has found me. I have 11 clients paying me $100/hour and a waiting list of 28 . I love coaching adults with ADHD and I’m helping my clients to get the results they want in their lives. I get a ton of positive feedback and it’s been super easy to sell. It’s amazing. I want to do more of this for more people.

There seems to be more evidence for my success in Business #2 than Business #1. I also feel like more of an expert in Business #2.

I want to do BOTH businesses and do them successfully, but it’s a battle every day. EVERY DAY. I am tired of battling every day.

C I run 2 businesses
T I like one better than the other
F Conflicted, turmoil
A Coach myself to like business #2 or at least get to a neutral place about it
A Distract myself from business #2 when I DO have the time to work on it (with distasteful thoughts about business #1)
A Judge business #1 by looking at the numbers which show that sales have gone down
A Actively plan how to get out of Business #1 – and then worry about my employees
R Continue to like one business over the other. Feel terrible all the time. Don’t make any scary decisions.

I know these are just thoughts.

How do you make a decision and then “have your own back”? I decided to continue both businesses. I felt great about this decision in the moment. I put my intentional thoughts on my wall to practice every day. Still the thoughts keep coming up that I can’t do 2 businesses. I don’t want to do 2 businesses. There’s so much evidence that I should just close Business #1. I acknowledge the thoughts (sometimes resist them) and remind my brain what its new thoughts are, and yet I feel like crap all day.

I don’t want to close Business #1 in an effort to change how I feel. I think everyone can relate to this. I know I shouldn’t just change the C in order to feel better. This is why I feel as though I should keep Business #1 open until it IS working well and I DO love it and then I can make a decision from a good place, not from a negative place. Very much like a relationship!

How can I stay in Business #1 long enough to make it great so that I can leave it? HA! What a crazy thought I just had. Is it silly to keep it open so I can get it healthy so that I can kill it?

Do you see what I’m missing? I don’t. Please help.