Career confusion!

Hi, my situation is that I’m an independent filmmaker and haven’t had any paid or commissioned work since January this year. I have one certain paid 2 day job coming up in December. Fortunately I have savings to live off, so it’s not so much the money but am struggling with finding ‘ a reason to get out of bed in the morning’ i.e. staying motivated with no external demands for me to make work.

I’ve been trying to self-motivate with my own projects just for the love of it, but keep running into obstacles e.g. not being allowed to film with social distancing etc. Previous funders having withdrawn funding etc

I’m now starting to look into other avenues (i.e. ways to spend my days). i do have other skills/ talents/ passions/ experience, but am just overwhelming myself with options and not actually following through on any of them. Filmmaking is my passion and I believe that I’m good at it, but really I haven’t made a big project since 2016. My thoughts are spinning – I’m wasting my life, why don’t I just do something else, this career choice is too hard particularly with the pandemic etc. etc.

I’ve been trying to do models on this, but don’t seem to be able to get myself to a better place. I’d like my result to be that I am making meaningful and valuable work and putting it out into the world for all to see. I’d like my feeling to be confident, committed. Any help gratefully appreciated – thanks!