Commitment to my business

I can’t seem to figure this one out. It’s related to the commitment I have and then don’t have to my business. I’m not sure if I’m self sabotaging because of fear of success or just not wanting to do what I’m doing.
Backstory. In my 11th year of running my business – a marketing agency that serves nonprofits. It’s a virtual business so I can operate from any where – I love that. My team is virtual too and they are amazing. We help nonprofits mostly in the health and human services place and that feels good. When I think about the future I feel the desire to grow but I know I don’t want too many more one-on- one clients because of the time demands. I have long had plans to launch a membership program. I know now would be a great time to do so. I have a good platform for launching – a weekly podcast (Smart marketing for small nonprofits) a weekly email to a list of 4,000 subscribers, a Facebook group with about 200 people – but I just keep stalling – I can’t seem to get into action mode. And now… my agency business has been on the climb – by actions are slipping there too.
I’ve got this unintentional model going on but I don’t know where to take it from here.
C: Commitment to my business
T: I dream about building, growing, launching a membership – “I want it”
F: Questionable – Disappointed.
A: Stop and Go actions. Up and Down Business Success.
R: High and Low Results –

I just invoiced clients this month the most I have invoiced this entire year ($28,500) with a profit margin of about 65% – so why the heck am I feeling so low and not taking more action to build – I should be on high and yet, I’m totally slipping in my commitment to my business, myself, my team and my clients. UGH!!!

Thank you for your help -“can’t see the forest for the trees” – that’s where I seem to be.