I’m in a lot of confusion around my business. I think I am conflating my business with a few other things and would love help untangling them.

I have a farmers market booth where I sell some products I make from medicinal plants i grow in my garden and wild gather in my local forest. I have been making medicinal products and selling them casually, as well as giving them to folks I work with in healing sessions. This is my first year at the market, in a new town. I did it to see if I liked it, to grow and evolve, and start figuring out what it looks like to work for myself. I also wanted to meet some likeminded people and possibly future clients in this new town.

Many things I typically make I cannot sell at the market because of certain regulations – basically anything internal, which is where I have the most experience. This has been a great source of anxiety for me because many of my plants are in their first year so harvest is limited. I also just don’t have as much experience with topicals so I’m learning and testing as I go. I am constantly stressing about having enough for the Tuesday market. I’ve gotten a lot of coaching on this in my 1 on 1 sessions, and it’s helped me to slow down and move into a different space. I recognize hat I can slow down and have reaffirmed that this is something I am choosing for myself and that I can find ways to make it fun. But I still find myself stressed all week about having enough. Then when I get to the market, I am stressed about people wanting to buy things, whether they’re actually good enough, and ashamed of how little money I make at the market for how much effort I put it (between $50 and $100 per market, but typically closer to $50). I get really depressed and tired and have a hard time making a plan so that next week will be different.

The truth is, I don’t dream of being a product manufacturer. I would never want to just make products. It’s something I love and enjoy doing, but it’s just a piece of the bigger picture. I’ve been doing the work around purpose and my purpose at this moment is to live in beauty. I love this and when I sit and dig in it goes to all the places I want to go. I love working with people in healing sessions, helping them restore beauty to their lives, restoring beauty to landscapes, and connection to the earth. Making medicine is a part of this that I enjoy, but I feel like I’m robbing myself of the pleasure that I once derived from it. It’s like I’m trying to fit it into some kind of box. But I DO want to make money for myself. I’m struggling to find the right perspective that will help me create products that are high quality, magical, purposeful that I can sell at the market. But also spend my time loving what I do and embodying my bigger purpose.

This situation feels multi-pronged and I don’t know how to move forward. There’s the daily stress around the market, loving my choice to do the market and being all in, wanting to live and embody my purpose, wanting to make money, making decisions about whether to invest in the licensing process that would allow me to sell more (that I otherwise have no desire to do). I just feel really overwhelmed and confused. There’s got to be a good way to think about this. I would love to show up at the market having spent the week embodying my purpose and offering the fruits of that. I would love to make $200/market. But maybe I just want that because it would mean that I’m living my purpose and serving people? I’m really confusing myself, help would be appreciated!!