Creating Value – I have written a lot – apologies in advance!

Hello amazing coaches,

So I am going to write out my thought download in its entirety, and then my models at the end. Thanks so much in advance for reading and for your feedback.

Thought download:
“I realize that I wasn’t creating value, or enough value before and I feel a bit embarrassed and a bit shameful. Why is that? embarrassed because I feel really foolish that I didn’t realize that, while it seems the rest of the world was rolling their sleeves up and grafting, I was finding it too exhausting and trying to find a way around it! That’s so funny, I have the capacity for hard work, but my brain was trying to find a way around it. Somehow it latched on to the idea that working hard with no immediate result was a sign of the danger of hard work. So even in the recent past when I’ve been working hard, it has felt like pushing on a closed door because I think my brain was telling me it was very dangerous. I felt exhausted all the time, and now I realize it was the exhaustion of trying to battle my mind. I think I actually thought that hard work would not lead to earning money. Now I look back I realize that I did work hard, but quite often without a goal, so I just worked hard because I have that capacity to work hard, but without a goal. Like a speed boat going full steam ahead with no aim. This is so funny that I now realize what was going on.
There was one time when I had goals and stuck to them and that was very good. After that when I set new goals and they didn’t work I didn’t realize to expect that (difficulty, obstacles). So I became discouraged and stopped setting goals. Or rather I would set goals – I’m quite good at strategy – but immediately abandon them. I would lose the link, the thread, so quickly.
That’s such redundant thinking! I mean, now I can say, “How does that thinking serve you” But then, I just believed it.
And I used all of it as proof that I didn’t deserve to earn “decent” money, or any money that for some reason I was singled out to not have money. And that I just had to learn how to endure that. It made me feel so shameful and like I didn’t belong in society and couldn’t join in. And I believed it.
I couldn’t see a way out. I couldn’t see that I could earn money.

I really don’t believe that now. Or rather I don’t believe it but part of me still does.

Even though I have evidence to the contrary I still doubt.
I know I can earn £200 a day because I had a client this year that paid me that.
I know I can do decent web content management because I’ve ranked on Page 1 Position 1 for 2 keywords
I know I can grow an email list because I’ve gone from 5 subscribers in February to 36 today.
I know I can launch a free 3-day course because I have launched one and am on day 3, the final day.
I know I can sell dresses online because I’ve done it before.

So why do I still doubt?
Actually as I write that out I don’t doubt.
I think, “Look how far I’ve come”.

So where do I go from here?
Recommit to my goals and keep going.

What result do I want? – to earn £30K from my seed launch.
What action do I need to take? – More of what I am doing now (and recommit to Q2 IG and put it into Q3 as my IG)
What feeling do I want to feel to take action? Empowered
My thought is, “Look how far I’ve come”.

T – I can achieve any goal I set for myself
F – overjoyed!
A – recommit to actions already set, agree with myself to honor my MH1 commitments, monitor my progress, take massive action until it is done, keep doing thought downloads, keep my thoughts to believe to hand and repeat them, believe hard – from my future self
R – Goal achieved through process I set out for myself.

How is that? I hope you don’t mind reading through the entirety of my thought download.
I feel like I’m on this see-saw, see-sawing between not believing and believing. And I do believe that the see-saw is tipping in the right direction for believing.

I love the fact that my aha moment was realizing my brain thought it was best if I just continued to work hard with no goal! That’s so funny, but also slightly embarrassing that I thought that!
I love that I now have goals linked to my hard work.
I love that I think that with the amount of hard work I am actually doing, linked to my goals that I will achieve my goal.
I love that I believe I do deserve success.

Please could you comment on my models, and what do you see that I might not see?

Thanks so much

This thought download has been a real turning point for me. I think Krista’s money class last night really got me on to myself.