Defensive patterns

I have noticed that any time I am criticized or given feedback that wasn’t asked for, I have a metal fit. When I am expecting the feedback, I welcome it, see it as a chance to grow. But when it’s unexpected I quickly spiral into self-pity. I can’t hardly even see thoughts on my way down. I am making it mean that I did it wrong and that makes me feel embarrassed. I am having a hard time putting it into a model because the emotions are so strong.

C: Lady said “I don’t agree with your thoughts on emotions and they will cause others harm”
T: Maybe she’s right that some people might be harmed but others are going to really understand.
F: Embarrassed
A: Doubt myself, worry that I may harm, loose belief in myself
R: I am creating evidence that I should stop and I forget the strong belief that I had.

But I really feel like my self doubt is the worst part. It makes me feel that I wouldn’t react this way if I really believed that I was doing good by believe in the Model. But I know I have been changed, so why be so defensive?