On Monday, I had a regularly scheduled coaching call with a client/coach (we’re doing a services exchange where I coach her one week for an hour, then we switch the next week). On this call Monday, she explained to me that she needed more urgent help rather than my normal coaching, and offered an incredible amount of resistance to my way of figuring things out through massive action, rather than layering tactics on top of her overwhelm in order to get out of it. So I offered to screen share with her today (Tuesday) for half an hour to walk her through a couple things to help her save time (she’s very overwhelmed and “has no time to learn this” she literally said this to me in multiple different forms). Today for the call, I showed up on time, but waited on her for 17 excruciating minutes, texted her two times with no reply, so I ended the zoom call and sent her a follow up email with a few tips about what we would have discussed on the call so she can do some stuff on her own.
During those 17 minutes, (actually more because I was on about 5 minutes before call was supposed to start), I did a thought download about all the things that came up for me. I was feeling very resentful, bitter, angry, judgmental, righteous, justified, and scornful. I think I have a big manual about how clients should and should not show up on time for calls and I think I’m also making it mean something about me that she didn’t show up for the call. Really needing insight on this because now I’m really seeing how this anger directed toward clients has been really showing up and I am really not showing up in a way I’m proud of at all.
Since I started coaching with her, 6 out of 6 times we’ve done a meeting together, she has not gotten onto the call on time (at starting time of :00 or :30) and I consider on time to be at within at least 2 minutes of the start time. Each time we have had a call, she has been AT LEAST five minutes late to every single meeting, most meetings she’s at least 8-10 minutes (I have no way of tracking this or I would look). One time she had completely forgotten the meeting and we had to completely reschedule and my thought is that is incredibly inconvenient for me because I do Monday hour one and decide how I will spend my whole week and now I have to move quite a few things around to accommodate this change. Could I have said no you’ll just have to wait till your next turn in 2 weeks? Probably. Then I’d be the asshole. I feel like I’m projecting onto her all my thoughts about myself because earlier I called HER an asshole. Ugh. And then this time today she didn’t show up after 17 minutes (it was scheduled to be a 30 minute call!). I was on time for every single call except for one time where I was 15 minutes late to an hour call because of zoom issues which I took full responsibility for and apologized for wasting her time. During my late-ness, I texted her reassuring her I was coming, having a few technical issues, but I will figure it out and make it to the call no matter what.
Here is some more of my drama:
It is incredibly disrespectful for her to blow me off every single time we’re supposed to have a meeting. F: disrespected
She should be on time to all scheduled meetings.
She should manage her time better, so rude.
All she does is make excuses for why she is late.
She is wasting my time.
I am wasting my time every single time I agree to coach with her.
It’s always a gamble as to whether or not she will show up to a call.
She’s never on time. (Although this is technically true, it still doesn’t serve me to believe it.)
She is an asshole client.
She is a hard client.
This hard client is making my life more difficult.
Why am I so mad about this? This hard client is making my life more difficult. I have to bend over backwards to accommodate her. I am not showing up in a way I am proud of, at all.
I am wondering if it’s a manual? Are these just thoughts about myself? Am I making it mean something it shouldn’t? I wish I could feel love, compassion, acceptance, and curiosity for her but I feel locked by my judgmental thoughts about my feelings of justification toward what I believe to be a “tricky and frustrating client” (thought). I am clearly not there yet but really need some guidance on this.
Please help. SOS. Thanks coaches.