How to want what I don’t (yet) want

I have a in impossible financial goal for this year and I have done very little toward achieving it. In doing some coaching and other thought work it has became clear to me that I am more interested in getting out of my goals than I am in achieving them. For example, I get a little excited about the possibility of using Covid-19 as an excuse for why I had to stop working on my business.

Here is an example of one UM:
C: My business
T: I don’t want to be successful
F: Shame
A: Hate myself. Don’t work much. Pretend to be busy. Tell myself it doesn’t make sense that I wouldn’t want success. Buffer with TV, food, social media.
R: I am not successful

Since I am not willing to give up on what I *want to want*, an idea I have for a ladder that might be:

T: I am open to wanting success in my business
T: I know there is a part of me that wants to be successful.

Or would you suggest exploring more of why I don’t want to achieve what I have set as a goal?