‘I need to prove my value’


A client, who is 6 months into a 12 month program, wrote to me to say she wants to quit and get a refund for the second half of the year.

I brought this situation to my 1:1 call and received really helpful coaching on really diving into my feelings about this before responding to the client. I initially wanted to take charge of the situation but the coach helped me see that was me trying to take control to avoid my own feelings of disappointment, guilt, shame, sadness, fear and wounded pride.

I’ve spent the past hour doing thought downloads and feeling my feelings, and I’ve uncovered some interesting stuff. I’ve realised that my commitment to client results is part commitment – yes of course I want them to succeed – but it is also a need on my part to ‘prove’ something about my value.

C: Business
T: I need to prove my value
F: Driven
A: Overcompensate, make demands on myself and others, I drive myself and my clients.
R: I don’t create value for myself or my clients

I’ve realised that this is a pattern that started from a very early age for me, even ‘taking charge’ during games in the playground at school

C: Life
T: I need to be in charge so I can’t be left out
F: Fear of being excluded
A: Take control of situations and people, get defensive if people question my methods, adopt a position of authority, anticipate this fake authority being ‘uncovered’
R: I’m not making real connections and I exclude myself

This is pretty mind-blowing stuff and I am watching myself dismantle a whole bunch of beliefs and assumptions about life, myself and business. I’ve spent half my life creating something to ‘prove’ something that doesn’t need to be proved.

Where do I go from here?