I had a coaching session where my client started by telling me they wanted help with setting a goal for the day and keeping their word. I asked what the problem was and they told me it was their thoughts. If only they could think I can keep my word, but since they don’t believe it, everything is a struggle. I noticed myself totally ignore what she had told me and instead built a model using a different thought she had told me earlier.
When I reflect back the thoughts that came up before I built the model, they were: This isn’t important; I know their model; I need to get a model.
I did some self coaching as follows:
Q: Why do you need to get a model?
A: Because that’s the right way to do this
Q: So what if it’s the right way to do this?
A: I can’t be wrong
Q: Why can’t you be wrong?
A: They won’t like me
Q: So what if they don’t like you?
A: I’ll be alone
Q: What is the problem with being alone?
A: It doesn’t feel good
This is where I get stuck. I want to ask: “What if it’s ok that it doesn’t feel good?” But I think I’m using too many “what if’s” in my questioning (I do realize it’s my judgement) In my head, I’m thinking: “I’m afraid to feel,” but I don’t know how to word the next part of the coaching to get to that part. I’m also seeing that I have an agenda with myself and my clients to get somewhere. I’m having a hard time just staying in the moment and being curious.
C: Coaching a Client
T: I can’t be wrong
A: I ignore what my client says and pick another thought to start model; in my mind I think I know what her model is (I’m being self-righteous?) I stay in my head, I have an agenda, I don’t hold space for her, I’m not curious, I don’t connect with my client
R: I am wrong.
I picked a thought from the middle to do the model. Should I have gone with I don’t want to be alone? I get stuck here a lot. When I ask why in the beginning and they start offering me thoughts, I continue questioning and than become confused as to which thought to build a model. Also, my R line seems full of judgement. Can you help me with another R?
Thanks for your help.