Leaving my job and Guilt over slacking Pt. 2


Q: Ask yourself what is the upside of thinking you are slacking or “I’m not working hard enough.”
A: I used to function as a workaholic and have forced myself to work fewer hours for many reasons. So this is more of an urge to overwork than anything else. The upside of that T is that I love the frontal lobe stimulation of over-work, even though in the long run it makes me less effective and interferes with my personal life.

Q: You can question why it is a problem for you that, “I am using the rest of the time to build my business.”
A: The job is paying me for my output, which I’m producing. And since I’m working from home, it’s really not their business how exactly I’m spending my time. If I wanted to, I could be working in the middle of the night! So, really my time is up to me as long as I’m producing at the job, which I am. The “problem” of guilt is entirely in my own head because of my thoughts.

Q: You feel fear because you are thinking, “I’m in such a comfortable and flexible job that is making everything so easy.” Consider why that would be a problem for you.
A: Really, it’s my flexible and quick-thinking brain that is making everything so easy! Because I’m able to complete my job quickly and well in fewer hours, I have this comfort and flexibility. I will still have the same brain no matter what work I’m applying it to, and I’m excited to turn more of that brain power to my own business at some point next year.

Q: Your business may or may not grow faster if you have more time, depending upon how you think about the time you have.
A: This point really struck home for me, and I came to a decision! I’m going to leave my day job AFTER I’ve reached self-mastery over my schedule. And I want to use growing my business and doing a good job at my day job as a way to practice that self-mastery. Currently, I do Monday Hour One and intentionally leave open times as “catch-all” time for when I don’t do what’s on my schedule. I’m autistic and have ADHD and sometimes exert EXTREME control over my schedule and do it exactly as written even if it’s bad for my partner, and sometimes I let the ADHD side rule and have a very flexible day. My goal isn’t to let either side of that win completely, but to only schedule what I plan to do and actually follow my schedule, even if that means a very light day. I also like the idea of having one workday per week where I’m wholly following my intuition and not scheduling anything, which gives that ADHD side enough free reign to calm down a bit.
My goal is to have two workweeks in a row where I follow my schedule and don’t over-schedule to the point that my nervous system revolts. And then I will start the process of quitting my job. Financially, I’m ready to do so, and I’m excited to have this chance to practice self-mastery first. That will prepare me to step into my business fully knowing that I can bring the same qualities even though there’s no external authority making me do anything or setting deadlines.

Q: You get to decide what your plan is and choose to like your reasons. What if you don’t need to have a super-specific reason for your timeline?
A: This also really resonated with me. I don’t need a specific reason! And also, I feel like the usefulness and enjoyment of the job is wrapping up, as though I’m nearing a sense of personal completion. I’ve met the big goals I had there already. And now I can use it to meet another big personal goal before leaving on very good terms.