Looking to Success to Validate Me

I wasn’t sure if this fell into the regular or business category – but since it’s about success at work, I thought I’d start here.

I was listening to Brooke’s podcast this week about Success and Happiness and it really struck me — I have been searching for success in business to “validate” me.

I feel very stuck on the idea of being successful in a way that impresses others – thus getting validation and impressing myself.

I do love myself, and I love my life and the freedom I have now as a consultant, but when I’m not making money, I always seem to go back to the same BS. Some of my current thoughts:

I want to focus on my life, not work, but I think about work all the time and how I’m not doing enough
I want to keep my flexible lifestyle, but I’ll never be successful if I do
I’m not making enough money, I must not be working hard enough
Clients aren’t signing off on my proposals — no one wants my services
I’m never going to be successful, so I should accept being just “ok” and not “special”
I need to be successful to be worthy of the good things in life – aka being a VIP

Here’s one of my current models:

C – My concept of Professional Success
T – I need to be successful in order to be impressive – in my eyes and others
F – Disempowerment
A – I tell myself I can’t be successful if I don’t work hard, and then that I don’t want to work hard enough to be successful, tell myself my life is not enough – I have to prove myself at work in order to be a VIP, be mean to myself, fall into a spiral of self-doubt, don’t get anything done, go into meetings from a disempowered state then feel worse
R – I’m not successful ??

I want to think that I am already successful enough to be worthy of treating myself with respect, admiration, status – like a VIP. I want to feel Calm, Confident and Empowered.

I tried “I define what success means to me” – but that didn’t work, because clearly as I define success – I can never achieve it! Nothing I do impresses me for long. I have had success in business – but not as much as I think I should have. And not as much as others.

Any suggestions on how to approach moving this to an intentional thought/model? Thank you!!