I think it’s a C that my vendor, someone I hired to design a large scrapbook reprint project for a client that hired me. But of course, it’s a T. Here’s my model, but I need help with my C’s.
C’s: (he doesn’t reply to my emails, I sent him all the materials to be designed last September, and it’s now mid-April, he loses my files on his work computer and can’t locate them, so then has to spend extra time going and finding the files)
T: He’s incompetent.
A: I Complain about him to my best friend, tell myself he should be done by now, he should be more organized, I shouldn’t have to micromanage him, I shouldn’t have to call him all the time, and I resist calling him/avoid calling him to check-in, see how things are going, see if he needs my help/questions on anything
R: I’m incompetent (at facilitating this project for my client/managing this vendor).
My IM thought is something like “he’s doing his job perfectly,” but I feel still super mad about my UM – it feels a bit “dirty” still and needs clean C’s.
My guess at what the real problems are here: I have a manual for him, I feel justified that he should follow it, I’m somewhat taking responsibility for his working speed because I feel guilty and responsible when I think about telling my client about how slow he’s going like if I told her that, I’d feel shame because of a different thought of “I shouldn’t have picked him as our designer because I don’t know what I’m doing” – or whatever thought causes shame.