I am struggling to find my why. I think originally when I did the how to be an entrepreneur training I came up with something that sounded nice but wasn’t necessarily true. And it certainly hasn’t been strong enough to get me through some recent tough times or to push through procrastination.

So, I did a thought download on my why and a theme that kept coming up was “to be in charge” whether that be just a blanket statement of “to be in charge” or if that’s followed by “of who I hire to help” or “What I earn” etc. so I thought I would dive deeper into that concept of being in charge and what that means to me. But when I dive deeper I seem to be just running from something like running from being told how to do what I do in a way that I wasn’t necessarily comfortable with. Thoughts came up like “So I can practice how I want” – “so I feel like I’m not ripping people off” – “so I’m not… (insert thing I didn’t like about previous workplaces)” and that didn’t get me any closer to my why so now I am confused.

One thought that I use regularly as to why I did my own thing was “I don’t play well with others” so I did a model on this. Tell me what you think of this.

C: Work/Workplaces
T: I don’t work/play well with others
F: Resentful
A: Complain, blame others, go from job to job, dwell, call people so they can justify what I’m feeling, avoid commitment, play the victim
R: Start a business just despite them

So, the result line is essentially what’s happened. I started a business without a strong why, it grew well because I’m good at what I do, but now I seem to have hit a ceiling and don’t know how to get past it and I take setbacks really hard and I am realising that maybe some of the things others did that I didn’t like weren’t because they were bad people but because that’s how you run a successful business.

I hope this makes sense.