Offered a rate, they asked for more, now I’m frozen

Hello, I’m making excuses to avoid responding and not doing my newsletter. For an upcoming online trauma training at my nonprofit I had a speaker cancel her presentation agreement because she didn’t want to be filmed. I offered it to another colleague’s business (two people) who I was in discussion with creating a training. They would provide content at her hour slot for $100 (what I am offering all speakers). They came back and said sure but feel a fair price would be $300.00 which is not in my budget. Only 3 people have signed up (we usually get 20-25 at $419.00 each). I am already paying $500 for speakers.

Instead of saying that doesn’t work for me, I am wondering why I cannot agree (even though I can offer the material and have done the entire 16-hour weekend presentations myself when I used to travel) to their offer. I could sell it on my website for a fee even though I sell no other products but I am blaming myself for not figuring out how to partner with someone who knows how to be more business savvy. I refuse to do the newsletter to get more ticket sales. I watch tv and eat while waiting for a Board Member to call me back. I plan to tell them my Board Member suggested someone else who volunteered but thinking because they asked I want to be able to provide opportunity to others, so how can I say yes?

Besides this fear and anxiety, I tell myself quitting would make more sense, or buffering, doing thought downloads to feel scarcity (ex: wish I had a business partner, can someone buy my nonprofit so I can focus on selling coaching and maybe it is the whole dislike of selling anything). Not sure how to use the Model here, thanks!