Second Thoughts About My Work

I am kind of freaking out, trying to Self Coach myself, but feeling some panic feelings in my gut, etc. so here I am. I appreciate your feedback.
Last year I had 1 paying client. January I had 2 paying clients. February I had 20 paying clients. I had 10 sessions scheduled for the week, I had 4 cancellations so far this week. This morning, client texted me that she would not be continuing with our sessions. Although I was “OK” with the 3 cancellations yesterday (processing the emotions of panic, fear, defeat, disappointment, self-doubt, etc.), this most recent cancellation was last minute and said that she won’t continue. I had the impression that we had a great session last time, and made traction on her issue, so I am surprised and disheartened! I know these are new feelings that I haven’t worked with (as much), so they are even more disappointing. I also know that, as Brooke says, it’s 50/50 and with more clients I will have more cancels, more “not-a-fit”, than before. HOWEVER, my thought is “I am not cut out for this” and it makes me want to run away and quit, get into something else, which might be my “pattern”.
C: Client canceled and texted “I have decided not to continue the sessions.”
T: I can’t do this: I am not good at coaching, I need to find something I am good at, I need to stop coaching, I cannot take this rejection.
F: “DOWN” Rejected, Inadequate
A: Self doubting, telling other people about how many clients are cancelling, asking others if this is normal, ruminating, enrolling in more classes and training, asked client for some information so because “I appreciate their feedback so that I can improve,” telling myself it doesn’t matter, maybe they got what they needed, maybe it’s something else that I don’t know about, maybe people don’t get the value of coaching like I do, maybe it’s for the best, maybe i don’t know who my best clients are, maybe people are idiots (like my partner tells me constantly – maybe it would be a helpful thought to believe this??), counting all the rejections, not focusing on other clients or opening up my schedule, cancelling appointments for next week because I want to get more training without even knowing if I will be accepted into the training program, haven’t started buffer eating yet, but definitely thinking about it, tried to buffer TV – but can’t even concentrate on TV, considering taking up drinking alcohol to take the “edge off” so I can stop thinking about me and get focus back on clients in sessions, WTH?? Beating myself up for thinking that last part. (Thought, new model I guess) How do I get through all these bad thoughts and feelings, I know they will likely continue for this or any business, but is there a way I can minimize the “gut punch” that this means to me – this is my personal product and it feels personal when clients cancel. (Thought, new model I guess) I need to “CONTROL” this.
R: Not having the robust, self sustaining, successful 6 figure coaching business of my dreams based on my presence and centered attention on my clients who are dedicated to themselves and their growth.