Self-Sabotage or Something Else? (LP)

Hey there.

I am really flying high right now with focus, determination, and passion to lift my life coaching business off the ground. I am coming from a place where just a few days ago I felt depressed because I “can’t find the time to get my business off the ground” and thanks to some great coaching and the Entrepreneur course in SCS I pulled out my calendar and “found” 20 hours that I can dedicate to planning to produce value in my business and doing what I say I’ll do (commit!!). The 20 hours per week start at 4:30 AM (I work full-time and support my family financially), which I am jazzed about because I LOVE the early morning hours when I can be all alone with my work and my coffee and the rest of my house is sleeping… but here’s the sabotage part.

Whenever I’ve created this kind of schedule for myself (committed to getting up super early to work) I will go to bed at 8:30ish, read until 9 or 9:30ish and fall asleep, super excited to wake up in 7-8 hours at 4:30 AM to get to work. Inevitably I will wake up sometime between 11:30 PM – 2 AM and cannot for the life of me fall back asleep. I will be up for 2-4 hours, wide eyed, but sleep deprived. This happens almost exclusively when I’m committed to establishing my business. In the past, when I’ve “given up” or put it on hold, I go back to sleeping like a baby the whole night through.

I have tried meditation, yoga for insomnia, yoga Nidra, melatonin, reading, and getting up and doing some work, but none of it works to get me back to sleep. I don’t want to get up and turn on the computer because that stimulates me and will for sure keep me from falling back asleep. So when I finally do fall back asleep I am just an hour or two from when my alarm is set to go off at 4:30 AM and were I to get up then I would be running on just 2-5 hours of sleep which isn’t going to produce anything of value. So I cancel the alarm and get up as late as possible before I have to go to work (not coaching) to get as close to 7 hours of sleep before my day starts.

This happens every time I get super excited about getting up early to make my dream of establishing a thriving coaching business come true. I’ve tried to talk myself down from the excitement but I still wake up.

Any insight/help is deeply appreciated. I am typing this after yet another night of barely sleeping due to the excitement of my 4:30 AM start time, and not getting to it because if the insomnia.

With gratitude. 🙂