Shame around managing money in my business


I’m struggling with tracking expenses in my business and always knowing my incoming and outgoing. I have a basic sense of what I am spending on expenses vs. my income, and I am making enough money to cover my lifestyle and save some money. However, I tend to avoid actually tracking my expenses until the last possible minute (i.e., quarterly estimated tax time) and feel awful while I am doing them.

I constantly have thoughts about how I should do my expenses before the last minute, but I continue to resist it and put it off. I think this is not only impacting me in the moment, but also is preventing me from having a more clear financial picture and making better business decisions, especially since I am adding an assistant to my team. But I still feel powerless to change my mindset about this and need a little nudge.

C: I run a business that involves recording numbers on a spreadsheet. I calendar working on this task, but I do not.
T: I’m so irresponsible.
F: Shame
A: I do not complete my expenses, I do not have a clear understanding of my net profit, I make decisions based on instinct as opposed to data, I buffer by playing a game on my phone or chatting with friends on Facebook Messenger
R: The thought that I’m irresponsible leads me to avoid taking action. I continue the procrastination cycle and experience shame whenever I think about the task, and anxiety every time I calendar the task again because I anticipate the shame.