Thought downloads: how to get on paper what is really going on in my brain IG Q2 2020

Hello amazing coaches,
I have been doing my thought downloads this morning and am stuck with my brain. What I am stuck with is how to process my thoughts rather than just jumping to the answer.

I have two UMs:

C: Debt
T: Why am I still in debt?
F: Frustration
A: Buffer
R: ?


C: I have a goal
T: I’m not near my goal, going to fail
F: Desperation
A: Buffer – waste day
R ?

For both I have put “buffer” in the A line.
I think this is my brain being lazy though because buffer can be an umbrella term. And my R for ‘buffer’ is “waste time” or “don’t meet goal”. However even when I feel like I do, I still take action. So my A and my R don’t seem to correlate.
So my A could be “Take action but ignore examining why I think I’m going to fail” which would lead to R: “Get results but have still have same attitude which is ‘going to fail'” While that is going on in my head, I’m also thinking, “Ok, so if you move to an IM you could just do this:

C: Debt / I have a goal
T: It will take time to clear my debt / It will take time to achieve my goal
F: acceptance
A: Take action
R: Clear debt / achieve goal

It’s very easy to write out an IM but I don’t really believe it. My brain wants to go straight to the IM because it’s easier than to have to stay with the UM and work out what I am thinking. I think what I should be doing is paying more attention to the UM and what is going on there? Is that correct?

For instance if my T is actually just a panic thought, where can I put ‘recognise this is just a panic thought’? When I put “I’m not near my goal, going to fail” in the T line I recognise that it’s not necessarily true.
I feel like I need an extra line between T and F called Panic (the P line)
Or do I recognise the Panic in the Thought line? So my T would be: “Have random panic thoughts that won’t achieve my goal?”

Also, if I leave this as it is and then go back to it some hours later, it’s so easy to dismiss it along the lines of “Oh, I just thought that this morning, but I feel ok now”. But the thing is I clearly don’t feel ok because a) the situation doesn’t change and b) the thoughts keep coming back.

So how do I change?
Just by keeping on doing models really badly (!) until I see breakthrough? By badly I mean, ‘and feel frustrated with what I am writing and how I’m processing it’?
I’m getting quite bored of thinking that I won’t achieve my goal and would much rather have, “Going to achieve my goal” as a thought I believe.
(When I’ve had two coffees I generally can believe I’m going to achieve my goal).

Rereading the thought section in “Self Coaching 101″ Brooke writes that I don’t have enough positive circuitry.

And reminds us that the only way to get ‘there’ (out of debt / goal achieved) is from here.

And then she writes, ” just by becoming aware of the thought and by giving it the light of awareness, it disappears”
Is that what I am experiencing when I feel better about my thoughts a couple of hours into the day?

So even right now, with typing this question, I’m feeling better about my thoughts. I can believe the IM I wrote out. I’m ready to take action, to do my Monday Hour 1, walk the dog and get on with it. And I can work through “Finding a new thought” in the book.

Thanks very much for your help.