I listened to the money class with Kathryn and it stirred up some hidden thoughts. I want to make money doing what I love. When I focus on this, I think “I don’t know what I love” creating this model:

C – wanting to make money doing what I love
T – I don’t know what I love
F – despair
A – buffer, don’t move towards things I like or love
R – I don’t do anything I love

My new model:

C – wanting to make $ doing what I love
T – I’m figuring out what I love
F – peace
A – let go, allow myself to notice what excites me, trust in the flow
R – I figure out what I love!

I feel pretty good about these models (but would love feedback if you see anything).

As I kept doing a though download, I got “I’m not capable of delivering value. I won’t be able to do it. I’ll drop the ball and disappoint people. I’m all talk and no results.” When I asked why or so what, I got ” I’ll prove that I’m worthless, I’ll never be able to support myself, I’ll be dependent on others, won’t make anything of my life, I’ll prove I’m a fraud/incapable, I’ll ruin my reputation, I won’t have a purpose, I have nothing to offer, I’m worthless”

Dark! But I’m glad to see them. I’m trying to work on these but a) it’s a lot of thoughts and b) I’m having a hard time thought laddering them. I did a model for “I’m worthless”

C – I want to make $ doing what I love
T – I’m worthless
F – bereft
A – buffer in ALLLLLLL the ways, angst, mope, do nothing to move towards any goals, give up, don’t focus
R – I focus on myself and offer no value

I see that…AND I’m having a hard time moving out of this, even to a slightly gentler thought. Any ideas? It’s definitely a core tender spot.

Thank you!