Undermining myself on business calls


Hello –

I would love some coaching around a repeat behavior that I see in myself: sometimes when I get on a call with a potential client, rather than showing up as calm and empowered, I find myself hustling to figure out what would benefit the other person and then doing whatever I can do to offer that.

This happens a lot around my offers.

There are two recent examples of this:

On a call that was supposed to be a catch up call only, I told another consultant (who I think is “more successful”) that I didn’t have enough clients and I wasn’t making enough money and that I’d like to join his consultancy.

Two things about this bother me:
1 – I’m not even sure I’d want to join his consultancy
2 – I undermined myself by saying that I don’t have enough clients, so I didn’t set myself up for success / I didn’t show up for myself in a powerful way

One of my models about this
C – I told J that I want to join his consultancy
T – I just undersold myself before we could even talk about a partnership. I am now worth less to him.
F – disappointment and embarrassment (maybe shame?)
A – berate myself about not standing up for myself, rethink the conversation, not move forward
R – Undersell myself TO myself (???)

The second example:
I was on the phone with a potential client outlining what I was going to include in my proposal, and I said: “I’m not cheap, but if the estimates are not in line with your budget, let me know and we can work something out.”

WHAT????? It was out of my mouth before I realized it.

I just listened to Brooke and Aprille’s podcast series about making more money and I thought “OMG – I need some coaching on this habit!”

My model for this one is similar to the one above:

C – I told client I would change my prices if they were too high
T – I just undersold myself. I am not showing up powerfully for myself
F – disappointment and shame
A – berate myself, tell myself I’m not taking my thought work to heart, I get on my next call in a bad mood, and not feeling authentic or empowered.
R – I continue to not be powerful for myself

I guess my question is: any suggestions/coaching on how to reframe my thoughts, so I can show up powerfully for myself. How do I prepare before a call next time so I don’t repeat this behavior?

This behavior is long standing with me – especially with men in positions of power. I turn into the “sidekick” or bow down to them. Drives me nuts! But in the moment, it happens.

Suggestions? Thank you!