Unintentionally creating a business I don’t like


I think I’ve traded in a job I hate and now I’m unintentionally creating a business I don’t like. I took on a project that now I’m just dreading, something I don’t really know how to do. I told a woman I’d get her an estimate for a budgeted project lower than my package that now I’m thinking why the fuck did I do that?

I am working with an agency and I just don’t want to do any of it. And I am kind of making myself wrong for thinking that. I know I’ve just been thinking that these are opportunities to make money. And I go back and forth between “Well, sometimes I’m going to have to learn new things” verses the idea that “I can do whatever the fuck I want and what I want to do is build smaller marketing type sites and then provide maintenance for sites I’ve already built.” I’m even questioning whether I want to do that. I don’t want to do maintenance and tweaks to sites I didn’t build myself. I just don’t want to. I see that I could choose to do that, but I don’t want to.

I’m questioning everything in my life right now about–what do I really want to do? I’m mad at myself that I agreed to these projects. I’ve just recreated the jobs I had that I didn’t like except I have no one else to blame but myself. I’m also thinking, is this even what I want to be doing with my life? I’ve also been thinking about the idea of being so excited about your programs and offers and I’m just like, I don’t feel excited at all. and I know that’s a thing that would come from within me and not from these projects but when I think about them, I’m not excited at all. and then I question myself about whether it’s realistic to think I should be excited or am I in fantasy land?