weight and not marketing

I haven’t marketed and created the value (content) that I planned because I don’t like the way I look. I gained weight and I feel like I haven’t been an example of committing to my food protocol goals and following through.
I think people will see my chubby face and know I haven’t been taking care of myself. Plus, I want to have a slim face while making videos because they will last online forever (maybe).
I realize that I am creating models for other people and those are really my thoughts about myself.
I feel shame writing about this because I know it may sound silly and is not useful to me, or people I can help.
And I don’t like that I care about how I look. I want to not care. I want to love myself at any weight.

It seems like I have two options: create an intentional model where I take action at my current weight or wait until I reach my desired weight to take action. Are you getting that as well?

Here’s what I make my current weight mean about me: I am not taking care of my body. I use food to buffer. I am not an example to my clients or future clients. Taking care of my body with food is how I love myself, and I have not been loving myself. I am not at my body’s natural weight and I caused this.