Why am I scared of hard work?


Why am I scared of hard work? Because I can’t see it leading to income.
I love the thought of working hard. And want to be known as someone who works hard.

However, when I thought about my financial situation today, I actually thought that it is my hard work that has got me into a situation of lack. I can find evidence for that, I have worked hard for the last few years, juggling two or three jobs at a time, raising the children on my own, managing the household on my own. I work hard. I don’t have enough money to pay my bills – that’s not a thought, it’s a C. As of today, I don’t have any money to buy food. All the money down the side of the sofa has gone.

So, to me, hard work = no money.
There is no correlation in my mind between me working hard and me earning money. or put it another way, each month, in the C line my bank balance shows a smaller amount than the month before. And it seems like there is no correlation between me working and earning money and changing the number in the C line in a positive direction.

How do I turn it around? How would that work in the model? Here’s my UM:
C I work and am paid
T I don’t have enough money
F Panic
A Make a plan for how to earn more money, get out of debt. Get very excited by plan. After two weeks (or any other time amount) can not seen results with plan. Think there is something wrong with the plan, or something wrong with me. Or both. Think should probably change plan.
R No income from plan

So maybe my problem is changing the plan. I realize that once I make a decision I need to stick with it ie actively work on it.

So, maybe it’s not that I’m scared of hard work, it’s that I’m scared of the brain drama and exhaustion that comes from changing my plan and restarting.

So my UM on that would be:
C Financial plan
T It didn’t work
F Depressed
A Create another plan. don’t follow through on plan. Write todo list, don’t take all action steps. Take enough action to start, but not enough action to see result.
R Don’t achieve desired result.

So my IM could be:
C Financial plan
T I’ll take action despite emotions
F nervous
A Take action in spite of nerves. Use plan daily. Keep course correcting. Notice where I’m not seeing desired results and work on plan to get those desired results.
R Achieve desired results.

How does that look to you? Any thoughts very welcome.