A Model Big Enough for Grief?


Hi Brooke – I’ve struggled a bit in my self coaching with the end of my marriage. The amount of grief feels at times staggering. I’ve tried models, and there are such a flood of thoughts, that it’s hard for me to grab one. I listened to all of the excellent coaching on the Diamond call this week – especially the part about being tender. So, here is the long form of my grief – do you suggest putting it into models?

xx Wendy in Scotland

This Child

We are getting a divorce.

There are no villains.

Yet it is also true that I very much want to stay married, and he does not.

This thought – I do, He doesn’t – births a very tender pain.

Grief, sorrow, regret, longing, bargaining to change the outcome.

This tender pain is my constant companion.

Anger, bitterness, fear, anxiety attack this tender pain.

I will nurture my tender pain like it is a helpless infant.

My fifth child.

I will accept that this child will wake me up some nights, and rob me of my sleep.

I will accept that some days this child will allow me to do nothing else.

I will accept that some days I will resent this child’s presence.

I will accept that some days this child will leave me exhausted.

I will accept that the birth of this child will end my life before and remake me into someone new.

And every day, I will find new ways to be fierce and steadfast in nurturing this child.

For this child will not be with me forever.

Some day, this child will be unwritten.

This child will grow smaller and less needy with each sunrise.

Some day, I will realize that this child has vanished.

That I have laid this child down somewhere along the way.

It is unknown to me when that will be.

Just as it is unknown when the last time your child falls asleep in your arms.

I consider there may be a time when I mourn the absence of this child.

So, today, I embrace this child.