In recent coaching sessions you mentioned we need to be the person who already has the thing we want, then we have to act from that place. I get this with my weight lost goal, as if I act like someone who is thin then I am constantly taking action eating on protocol.
Where I am getting stuck is when I apply it to relationship goals. For a while now I have being trying to work out if I tell the person I love who is unavailable how I feel. I have had a heap of insights around why I am fixated on someone who is unavailable – mainly self acceptance.
But if my future self is someone who is happily married and in love with my husband. Then with this new frame I am now asking myself, when I am this person am I worried about X? If I was happily married with the perfect person for me would I need to tell the unavailable man how I feel – No I don’t think so, as actually with this new frame it seems rather desperate telling someone who you know is unavailable how you feel in hope that they will feel the same. Or rather if I accepted my feelings fully I would not need them validated by the other person.
If I am happily married and in love with my husband, I am not thinking about someone who is unavailable. I am not trying to get the person who I have been telling myself is ‘perfect for me’ interested or trying to work out if they are, as if they are the perfect person for me they are making their feelings know and they are interested. So them not being available means they are not the perfect person for me.
When I think of being someone who is with the perfect person for me I feel confident that they will like me for me, and therefore all I need to be is myself.
Whilst it is easier said than done to be authentically me without fear of rejection, trying to be the person I think they want me to be. I am not sure if I am using this concept to get out of having to doing much.
If my feeling is love, when I meet new potential husbands, when I act from love does that mean I can expect them to make all of the moves, or actually is the point that when you act from love you are willing to be vulnerable and put yourself out there as you are not expecting anything in return as you already love yourself and therefore they are just the cream.
I am unsure of how to complete the model from the future result of being happily married with someone I love.
R: I am happily married with someone I love
Actually as I write this am thinking that is a circumstance…So now I am unsure how to complete the model for this circumstance.
thank you x