Brooke,

First, I loved the diamond advanced coaching call last week. So much good coaching. Thank you for adding that!

Here is a model I am working on. It pertains to my partner who doesn’t put things away, doesn’t make decisions until it is a 5-alarm fire and has been very clear that my help is not wanted to assist in organizing his belongings and time so that everything is not so last minute for him.

And yes. I believe those are all facts that can be proven in a court of law.

Here is my hangup

I struggle watching others struggle.

So I like to help when they struggle.

Then I don’t struggle 🙂

Right. My manual. See it. Own it.

I have been holding back offering my assistance when he runs around the house looking for that one thing needed before he leaves and is already late.

This creates a beautiful self coaching opportunity for me

I want to be satisfied that my not helping isn’t coming from a place of negative thoughts or selfishness (like, ‘well it serves you right. you don’t take care of your time or belongings’), but rather from the place love because I am allowing him to manage his life and his time and his things in the way he prefers

I think one of my biggest fears is that I am seen as selfish by my family

C: I didn’t help him find what he needed for his trip when he was running late (to be clear, he didn’t ask me to help him look, but he did ask if I knew where it was)
T: He has chosen to structure his time and manage his belongings in this way
F: neutral
A: Answer his questions as best I can, but don’t stop my work to look
R: He gets to manage his life the way he designs and live his life how he wants.

I spent much time in resentment surrounding this issue. Because I would stop my work and focus on his needs.

The more I hold back on jumping in and trying to find his misplaced items or drop my work to address something he forgot to do, the more free I feel and I have more time I have to work on my goals.

There is a nagging guilt though that remains because part of me doubts my motives.

Is the only way to be confident that our actions are coming from a place of love and support and not anger and resentment what we put in that T line? Or is there more digging that I have to do?

Grateful