After being a Scholar


After being in SCS for about one year and a half I noticed I think I should be able to stay around people with poor behaviour with no harm, and that actually I have to stay next to them and make everything they do and say neutral. No matter how bad it is. No matter if on a long term there are people who always have something bad to say.
Its kind of, in order to prove myself that I self-coach, I HAVE( I know there is nothing that I have to do in life just if I want to) to prove to myself that I can stay next to those people, otherwise if I leave them behind and just pick other people to spend my time with (boyfriend, friends) my brain will say ‘oh you cannot make what other people do and say neutral, that means you don’t coach yourself enough’.
Which it seem to me silly, but anytime I want to step away from bf for example who is not showing kindness for eg, I think to myself , you should stay next to him no matter what, make everything he does and say neutral, other wise you’ve been wasting your time here as a Scholar’
I know it might seem ridiculous, but this is what my brain is telling me now, and also that ‘this is what being mentally strong is’
Which when I started to think of it, I actually disagree. I do not want to stay next to people who are not kind to me, which they always have something negative to say about me, but maybe I didn’t look for the right reason to leave them?

Thank you!