Allowing Desire or Indulging?

Dear Brooke,

It’s my husband, again, that fabulous teacher/mirror of mine. Just last month I had the mind/body-exploding realization that all my negative thoughts and feelings in regard to him were 100% my responsibility. I’ve known this intellectually for a looooong time, but it just made that 12″ leap into my body and it was astounding how it felt. I would love to say all the judging is over now, but it’s not. That old rut is still very well worn.

One tactic I am considering is allowing the desire to criticize him, without answering it, just like I am working on doing with food. When I allow the desire, I see the thoughts, see the panic when I try to banish them, and just watch and feel the desire and how awful those thoughts make me feel. Am I just indulging in negative thinking? I just want a way out, yet know that the way out is to go through this. Does allowing desire get me through? Or is that just another way to stay stuck here?

Thank you, thank you,