AM- I should be further along

I can’t believe it’s been 12 months- I read my August 2017 purpose book and so many issues for me have not changed. I hear others say “I’m down 30 lbs in 2 months”….. And as of today I am the same weight as a year ago and have been on and off with over drinking as well. I have learned a ton. I have gotten additional coaching- overall I have a nice life-so don’t have a lot of issues I should be “buffering” to keep me so stuck. I am not doing the food log- I was big into the drink plans for a long time- but let that go by the wayside. I have a protocol for food-but grab ass. I listen to pod casts, have listened to all the stop OE and OD videos- consume, consume.
I am much more in touch with my feelings than I was a year ago- I am not a touchy feeley person- or in general very introspective. I have a couple meditation apps and have used them on and off. I started a gratitude journal-which I love- but I have always been very grateful-but it does help me look at life from abundance. I don’t have money issues. I started back in a new job after a 5 year break.- it’s part time and EXACTLY the perfect job for me and exactly what I was looking for. I have three teenagers who are nice and don’t give me any trouble- I have a nice husband whom I love. I am frustrated with myself. I am disappointed in myself. I enjoy your self-coaching program, but would not be your poster child of success. Yet it has not occurred to me once to quit- I participate in many calls- have been coached live once- watch all the calls I miss – One that sticks out is another woman seemed to be stuck/non-committed and asked if she should stop and you said “yes”. WOW- I was so shocked. But even that didn’t inspire me to WORK. My purpose for August is the same as last year: ” I want to give and offer the best version of myself to the world”. I like it because it has “evolving” as a focus- sometimes being self focused makes me feel guilty. So here’s a couple of models.
C: 170 lb- no weight lost (net-I’ve lost as much as 10 and gained it again)
T: It’s not that hard- why can’t you f’ing do it”
F: ashamed- weak- defeated
A: don’t do even the simple things (food log- 24 hr plan)
R: stay stuck
C: 170lb
T: “when I stick to the plan, I will lose weight” ” It’s just math-do it and it works”
F: neutral (First I put determined-but it was a lie- I still feel irritated with myself)
A: log/ plan 24 hours- self coach- eat on protocol
R: start the journey of weight loss