C my appearance
Thought / My 9 year old daughter is far more attractive than me .
F disappointed (in my appearance ) relieved ( for my daughter )
A compare all my short comings
bury my feelings and worry about how I look privately while putting on make up and trying to present myself as best I can with what I have.
R. Disapointed hating on myself . Ill at ease.
Whilst this is a thought it feels concrete to me provable and I’m used to people pointing out she looks like her dad.
I’m happy for her she is blessed with her appearance. She is able to grow up easy in her skin and self assured , something I have never experienced. I do however take pride in my appearance and present myself as well as I can .
Tonight she said “I love that you wear make up ” … then laughed and said “that was an insulting joke which you don’t get ”
I got the joke. Out of no where we had had a really nice evening and I was tucking her in bed . Then she said. … but I do like your style . Earlier in the week during a tantrum she called me ugly.
C my appearance
T I have to work hard to pull off my appearance. It’s hard . I do my best wish I looked different
F hurt .
A hide away . spend too long on my make up .
R low confidence . Not at ease.
C daughters comment .
T . Fair enough I’ve got some challenges and that’s what’s in her head.
A write this question and do thought work . Experience hurt.
R hurting but acceptance of a 9 year olds thoughts . Proud of myself for doing thought work straight away.
C my appearance .
T some of it i like other but I have a few things I can’t change and wish I could
A. Wish I looked different .
R wish away what I have.
Hurts because it rings true .
Just looking for the next small step in taking responsibility for my feelings and accepting who I am with grace and style. Aim is to be at ease and not miss who I am while I’m indulging in who I’m not. Intellectually I get it but it’s going to be a journey of baby steps .