BAD MOM ….. STRUGGLING WITH SHAME.


I have 4 children. Three teenagers, still at home, that are all about to leave for college. One this summer, one the summer of 2019 and one the summer of 2021. I have one who is 20 that already left and doing amazing in her second year of college.

I was a lawyer when I had then and struggled with the balance of being a mom and kick ass lawyer. I have been very successful in my professional life, but I “feel” like a failure as a mom. Late nights, working weekends and on. And now, as the saying goes….. “they grow up so quickly and they are gone.” I lost years of being there.

I also have been an over drinker on top of this. In fact, that is how I first found you. I would do well with the drink plans and urges and be making progress to get my pre-frontal cortex to take over from my lower brain impulses. But I never put the effort in like I should have. Now my kids, are at a point where they won’t even be around me. They stay at their dads (we are divorce) on my scheduled time to have them per the divorce decree. Him and I have a very good relationship. I do not feel I can force the time sharing because of the guilt and their ages. I feel it is the over drinking that has caused most of the distance.

I just started your Stop Over Drinking Program again after a week of heavy drinking. I am determined to stay with it, this time, and make it through to the point of not even wanting a drink. This is my goal.

I am ashamed of myself and ridden with guilt and do not know how to get my kids back.

Did the model last night:

Unintentional Model
C – Drinking and kids know
T – My kids hate me, are distant and I have failed as a mom
F – Shame, guilt
R – Avoidance as I do not know how to reach them and make a mends

Intentional Model
C – Drinking and kids know
T – The kids are concerned and do not know how to deal with me when I drank
F – Understanding of this
A – Committed to the program this time
R – I will stop over drinking (but what about the kids?) Is it that they will just see the results and we can start to mend the relationship?

Please help.