Bonus Daughter + Break down

Adjusting to a blended family has been a lot of my work this past year.
I’ve been working on my thoughts, “she’s spoiled” and she’s been in counseling because “her stepmom (me) ruined her life”.
We finally had a break through and my Bonus Daughter wrote me a letter and said, “I’m sorry for blaming you. I’m ready for you to be a part of my life”.

I’ve been working on MY THOUGHTS about accepting that invitation. My thinking is very messy and I’m working on changing it.
However, while I’m cleaning it up I feel GUILTY for not doing it quicker- feel like a horrible person that I’m still struggling with negative thoughts towards and about this little (13 year old) girl.

C: Bonus Daughter apologized
T: I’m grateful but still don’t trust her
F: Hypercritical
A: Get annoyed and irritable easily
R: I isolate myself

C: Bonus Daughter apologized
T: I should be able to accept her and love her no matter what- there’s something wrong with me.
F: Guilty
A: Shut down
R: Disconnect with husband

I’ve really been practicing my thoughts about her, looking for things I value in her. It lasts for some time and then after a while I’m back to irritable.

Yesterday, after several days she was with us, I had a meltdown. Totally confused WHY I did though, because every day I’ve been checkin in with my thoughts creating new ones.

Am I “white-knuckling” feelings? Am I resisting emotion because I’m judging myself that I shouldn’t be having those thoughts?

I’ve MASTERED my thinking about food and alcohol but when it comes to our business and our blended family it’s like I’m starting all over- a complete beginner. Why is that?

Thanks Brooke,