Boundaries and in-laws


I’m trying to determine and set boundaries with my in-laws. I know that boundaries are what I set for myself on the way I act and what I will or will not tolerate. I am aware that at times in the past I wanted to control my in-laws and have let that go. However, I am having a hard time setting boundaries with them as it relates to taking care of our kids.

The example is that on a snow day when school and busses were canceled they watched our kids for us for the day (as we went to work). When we called in the morning we let them know that it would have to be an inside day because the there was an extreme weather and frostbite warning (-30). My mother-in-law likes to be out side with the kids usually when she has them. We also did not send the kids with their snow pants because of that warning and knowing that it was inside day. When my husband picked up the kids from them she told us that they took the kids for an hour toboggan ride and gave them an extra pair of sweat pants to put on so they weren’t cold. My husband didn’t do anything in the moment.

When I found out about that information I was extremely upset as a boundary had been crossed. We had asked them and they still did it. My husband called back and talked to his mother about asking that moving forward she follow our wishes. She said that it wasn’t her fault and that the kids wanted to go outside and she thought it was fine because they had an extra pair of pants. I know that we can’t control her and can only ask her to do this. That is all that we can do and control. However, I don’t know how to act or what action we can take to support and respect the boundaries we have. So, to follow though on the boundary that we have about rules with our kids – is it that we don’t let the kids go to her house on extreme weather days? How can we also act about respecting and showing up for our boundaries? Again, I know we can only control us but how does that look as it relates to them? Is it as extreme as not letting the kids over to her place?

Thank you! And please help 🙂