I have been friends with S for basically my entire life, since 1st grade. We are the same age (35) and I have 3 elementary school aged children. She is struggling with infertility. Everytime we get together with my kids, I find myself feeling very judgmental of her and annoyed with her. My kids are normal kids that can be loud or wild. She is always very passive aggressive about their behavior. I’m at the point where I actually don’t want to spend time with her. I feel like our lives have diverged so much and I only get together with her out of obligation. I could just distance myself and let things fall as they may. I don’t feel the need to tell her that I don’t like being with her because I don’t think that’s helpful and I do realize that she’s probably having a lot of anxiety in her life about infertility. I’m trying to just accept her as she is and I know that O am being super judgmental. Here are some models.
T: She has no idea what having kids is like and doesn’t deserve to have kids/has a big shock in store if she ever does have kids
F: righteous indignation
A: stew, talk shit about her to a mutual friend, avoid seeing her
R: make our friendship less strong? Be someone I don’t want to be?
Not sure about this because the R doesn’t really prove the T. And my thoughts and feelings don’t necessarily lead me to negative actions to her face. So as far as she knows, everything is fine between us because I always act like it is. Also, I’m not sure I care if our friendship is less strong but then I feel like maybe I should…
T: She has no idea what having kids is like and that’s ok.
A: see her on occasion without my kids, if she makes comments, let them just roll off without getting worked up inside about them
R: be in integrity with who I want to be
None of these feel quite right. Thanks for your help!