Coffee Crutch

I have given myself an amazing gift and that is scheduling most of the days of my life in a planner. I’ve had the same planner for a year and am able to go back to February 13, 2018 of last year to see what my mind was chewing on, what I was trying to make time for. I found myself in judgment that my brain is still spinning in the same problem as it was last year. I wanted to eliminate coffee from my life because I believe that I don’t need to flood my body with anxiety just to feel alive in my body rather than depressed. I wanted to learn slower ways to wake my body up in a more sustainable way…at least that’s the reasoning I have now, wow. So I see these scheduled blocks in my planner for last year to allow urges and do write learn releases and I see it on my page for today as well and I’m disappointed in myself. I’m spinning in the same place…

C – coffee, February 13, 2018 schedule page
T – I’m spinning in the same place
F – disappointed (with a bit of a “trapped” feeling too…)
A – berate myself, hide away from my eliminating urge work, buffer with other substances, wake up disappointed and low energy, drink coffee to solve that
R – I maintain a desire to drink coffee

I just don’t want to drink coffee and more than anything, I don’t want to need it to feel like I have a purpose for my day or to prevent myself from feeling depressed. Any insights here to move me closer to my desired result?

Thanks so much!