Deprivation


Dear Brooke, I’ve heard you talk about the feeling of deprivation in the context of overeating (I don’t get to have the cupcake).
Most people in my immediate family enjoy spending out on luxuries, vacations and so on and have the resources to do it. I regularly feel deprivation and with that other negative feelings (envy, unfairness, shame inadequacy). An example model would be:
UM
C my sister is going to Hawaii again
T I’m always the one going without
F deprivation
A try to convince myself that I’m choosing not to go to Hawaii
R underlying sense of deprivation, use up time/energy -> go without

I catch myself wanting to avoid family or judge them because the comparison/deprivation thoughts are so painful. Another poisonous thought I sometimes have is that I need or deserve it more than they do.

I’ve been trying to allow and sit with the feeling of deprivation. The questions I have are:

– is the desire to have these things (its usually the vacations and experiences I’m most envious of) an indicator that I should go do some of them? I like my reasons for choosing to save (for kids, retirement etc) but feel my life could be much richer in experience than it is.

– why is deprivation harder when family do things I want to than if it were a stranger, I feel I should be happy for them?

– I know factually that in the scheme of the world I’m very privileged – but in the context of wealthier relatives I feel lack and scarcity. How can I get my brain to think about this in a more useful way?

Thank you so much 😊