Difficult conversations

I tried everything from the diamond training on difficult conversations and I did my best to stay loving and focused and not get angry. At first I applauded myself, I thought I’d executed a perfect conversation. I thought I came from a place of love. But as the day wore on, I realized it wasn’t love at all. It was me doing whatever it took to get the outcome I wanted. It felt manipulative and cold. It ‘looked’ successful but afterward we didn’t speak all day and ended up in a big fight later on that just repeated every negative pattern we have established over the years. I feel defeated and spent. I feel I have to do all the heavy lifting. I feel mad that he doesn’t want what I want and I can get what I want only through manipulating him. I think something went very wrong here on the road to a loving discourse.