Disappointment in myself…


Brooke–
I’m so thrilled to become a Diamond this month. Interesting that I immediately felt behind since I wasn’t in the first group of Diamonds….but I’m here now and really grateful for the work you’ve put out there for us to learn from.

I had an interesting thought that came up when I first became a Diamond. And it was “You haven’t accomplished enough in Brooke’s programs in order to be a Diamond”.

Of course, my brain immediately reminded me that I chose not to focus on weight loss anymore many months ago already even though I did initially lose 37 pounds…then gained 12 back….so still have about 90 pounds left to lose. And that I’ve been working on my coaching business for a year and still haven’t made it to $100,000 in revenue (so haven’t proved to my husband or myself that this REALLY can work FOR ME), and that I still have issues with feeling unsupported by my husband….etc.

Somehow, I thought for sure that when I became a Diamond I’d have all my stuff together! What??? Then I listened to the 2 call replays from January and recognized that none of us has all our stuff together and it’s OK. Whew:) What a relief.

So, in the relationship work this month I chose to work on the relationship with myself in the first week because I am feeling like beating myself up a lot lately. Today I answered the question about what manual I have for myself and here it is…

I expect myself to never want a bite of chocolate again. I expect myself to always: eat plenty of veggies, drink plenty of water, stick to my protocol 100%, sleep at least 8 hours nightly, always want to have sex and enjoy it when my husband wants it, keep the house spotless and my office completely organized.

Then, what would I be thinking and feeling if I did all these things perfectly????? I’d be feeling like a badass who always follows through on extreme self care and ALL my commitments to my big goals and dreams. And I’d be happy with my marriage and living environment and I’d feel super sexy and would feel like I finally have control of my own choices and life. I’d be feeling super confident in my ability to coach others through their issues so they too can create a life they love. And that I can accomplish and achieve anything I want.

Then the sentence in the book “Notice that you can think and feel these things anyway”….I guess maybe that’s my work right now? How do I think and feel these things anyway? I know that what I want to do is keep thinking about what I haven’t achieved or accomplished. Which I know is not the way to getting to my goals.

I guess my question is How do I stop reviewing the results I’ve gotten so far in this last year without making it mean that I’ll never really get to my big goals anyway (as I have lots of evidence to prove it) so I may as well just accept that and make my goals smaller and more achievable. And instead decide I love myself for the weight I am right now so it doesn’t need to change. And, a business goal of $100,000 per year seems unreasonable somehow…so maybe I should only have a goal of $50,000 per year and be happy with that.

I have a habit of mixing up high expectations for myself with disappointment in myself when not being fully committed.

Does that make sense at all? Maybe it’s not even a question….and I needed to just put it all down here to see where I’m at.

Thanks, Brooke for this amazing program!

Rebecca