Divorce communication anxiety

I’m going through a divorce and have increasing anxiety whenever I have communication with my ex. Do I just need to sit with the feelings of dread over the defensive mechanism that’s triggered by my thinking or can I ever have acceptance and not feel defensive when there is communication from him? I’m not sure my thought/feeling /result in the new model are addressing it properly. Do I need more models for additional thoughts and feelings or am I working my way up the ladder on this?

models I’ve worked on below:

Unintentional pattern:
C – Divorce
T – Whenever my ex communicates with me, he says I’m doing things that are wrong or that I’m a bad person
F – Defensive
A – fester on how annoying he is, think of a comeback and usually do not send. stew on it for several days periodically.
R – continue to feel misunderstood/wrongly accused

new/intentional pattern:
C – Divorce
T – He can think or say anything and it doesn’t make it true -or- He can be wrong about me
F – acceptance
A – receive communication
R – understand what is happening [not sure what to put here other than I have peace of mind/clarity about our respective thoughts]