Every Victim Needs A Villian


And I’m it! For over 4 decades i have been my sister’s target Villian. And until I understood the concept of…”every Victim needs a Villain” i did not have an understanding of her behavior and did not have a clue what was going on. For example…..when we were young adults i would drive her everywhere…she did not drive. Every time we wanted to go visit our grandparents i would drive an hour in the opposite direction to pick her up and then 2 hrs to get to grandparents. I did this for 10 years and was happy to do it. One Sunday we were suppose to go and i was extremely tired…i had been out very late the nite b4 and i asked her if she would mind taking the train to my house and then i would drive the hour to GP’s house. Well she got off the phone with me and called my grandfather and told him…”Kerry wont pick me up” He was so upset with me,every one thought i was such an awful selfish person. It became this big scandal! And this has been my life for 40 years. She is a Master Manipulator and i had no clue. She would twist the entire story, make up what she needed to and proceed to turn my entire family against me. She has done this a thousand times! And they always fall for it…hook,line and sinker! Now we r in our 50’s…..and she actually drives now….LOL….so now she just makes sure she gets there b4 me so she can tell her “story” about how awful i have been…..so when i finally get to where im going im greeted with dirty looks and the cold shoulder! Not really understanding why everyone hates me….?! I always thought they just didnt like me…..i was never until now able to see this cycle of propaganda that she creates….its actually quite fascinating! She knows if she can poison them against me….she gets all the attention and love! How ingenious!
So in my first year in SCS i worked alot on my “response” to these situations. I allowed urges to retaliate. I did not send irate texts or respond to anything she did that hurt me. I allowed those urges and interestingly enough our relationship got much better. Because I overlooked her behavior….did the model….instead of telling her off …..we fought alot less but it did not stop her from continuing her cycle of behavior.
So as im working this month on relationships i choose my sister. I have come to the conclusion that i no longer want a relationship with her. I dont enjoy her company and i dont enjoy the web she spins around me with my family. I would like to create a boundary where i dont get involved it that web. I will see her at family functions and i dont want to be in a “fight” with her….but i would like to have as little involvement as possible. Its a difficult situation because no matter what it always ends up the same…..with her the victim and me the VILLIAN. If she doesn’t think im helping enough in the kitchen she will start bad mouthing me to everyone in there. of course i would never not show up at my family’s…..i would never give anyone that kind of power over me……however it does make it VERY uncomfortable that she tries to get everyone against me….AND SHES REALLY GOOD AT IT! So what ends up happening is i mute myself…..present kerry lite….so as to not rock the boat.
So my question is: is it wrong of me to not want a relationship with my sister anymore? Am I running away or finally realizing ive been accepting her abuse for my entire life and i just dont want it anymore. I think the latter. Thank you for your insight.