examining my motivations


So an acquaintance of mine recently had a baby. A mutual friend asked me to bring a meal to her. I did, and it had me examining my motivations. I think when my friend asked me, I was surprised, but thought it would be nice to help a new mom and said yes without too much thought. But when I had more time to think, I didn’t really want to do it. I had thoughts about how I didn’t know her that well, and how awkward it would be. I coached myself through it and got to the point where I do the thing and she gets to think what she wants to think about it.

So if new mom gets to choose her thoughts, and I can’t “make” her happy by bringing her a meal, then what’s my motivation for doing it? I ended up telling myself that my motivation was to keep my word to my friend who asked.

Through SCS, I’ve mostly gotten over doing things because of guilt, which was a huge motivator for me in the past, and now I want a better motivation. I know that you’ve coached that love is the best motivation. “What would love do?” But in this case I didn’t feel love. I’ve gotten from guilt to neutral, now how do I get to love?

I could say “no” the next time this type of situation pops up, but I do want to be a person who would happily bring a meal to a new mom with love.

-Samantha