Fear around leaving relationship

Hi Brooke,

Thank you for the gift of SCS. I have just become a diamond and I notice a distinct pattern – I love the work to do with organising and planning.. totally resist anything to do with relationships and emotions. I have a way to go there, though I am pleased to say my career has completely taken off in the last year so thank you!

My question is about my relationship.. or more accurately, my thoughts around it. We have been together for 3 years and he is a wonderful man. But my consistent and very clear thought is that I just don’t want to be in a relationship. I am OK with this thought, but I am having trouble with another one:

C – Relationship
T – If I leave, it means there is something wrong with me
F – Fear
A- Avoid making a decision
R- Live in indecision and limbo

The relationship is actually fine.. despite my best efforts to to try to find evidence as to why he is bad and therefore feel justified in leaving him. I just don’t want to think it is because there is something wrong with me (or the variations on this which are ‘I am just not good at relationships, I am running away, I will die old and alone and then I will regret leaving etc’).

Intellectually, I know it’s just thoughts.. but my mind just keeps saying .. “yes.. but what if there really IS something wrong with you and you had an opportunity to address it but you ran away because you wanted to take the easy option…”.

What I want to think is “I can stay or leave, either way its all fine and doesn’t mean anything”. Please help. I cannot understand why I cannot get around these thoughts so I can make a decision once and for all.

Thanks Brooke