Having my sh*t together

I’ve been coaching myself on resistance this week and wanted to run through one of my models with you.
C: I am a diamond scholar
T: I should have my shit together by now
F: frustrated, annoyed, ashamed
A: resist my thoughts and feelings, attempt to find the thoughts that make me feel better
R: I don’t have my shit together, keep resisting what is
C: I am a diamond scholar
T: I should NOT have my shit together by now
F: acceptance, kindness, compassion
A: allow thoughts and feelings, act with curiosity toward my thoughts and feelings
R: accept myself where I am and keep doing the work
This definitely felt better, but then I asked myself what I meant when I want to ‘have my shit together’. I realized that even though I wanted to allow my thoughts and feelings, I only wanted to do so with the aim to ultimately, some time in the future, never feel negative emotions again. Even though I was allowing, I ultimately wanted to resist. This was such an ah-ha moment for me. My brain is such a beautiful, trickly little devil! I’m now coming up with thoughts aimed at allowing negative emotions.
T: I feel bad, and that’s ok
T: I feel bad, and everything is as it should be
T: Feeling bad is part of the deal, and I’m ok with that
I realize that I just have to practice this over and over and over again, knowing that my progress won’t be linear, that my brain will no doubt come up with new tricks, but to then slide back into being ok with my negative thoughts and emotions and keep living my human life. I know I’m on the right path here, but any additional input from you would be greatly appreciated. Thanks