Help with model


I am having trouble with my intentional model regarding conversation with my son about how he thinks we should have done something to punish my daughter last year when she said that our house was not big enough for both of them (they are both in mid 20’s and do not live at home and this was said last Christmas).
Unintentional model:
C: Chris said “You should have done more when Laura said what she said last Christmas.”
T: He should not blame us for what his sister said.
F: Frustrated
A: Act defensive, tell him we have no control over what anyone says or does
R: I blame him
Intentional model:
C: Chris said “You should have done more when Laura said what she said last Christmas.”
T: I have no control over what either of them says or does
F: Neutral
A: Try to stay out of it, inaction
R: ?
I kind of want to feel neutral because otherwise it is painful. I know I can also love them both but still don’t know what the result will be or how my result will prove my thought.
Thanks,
Wendy