Holding space


My husbands parents are divorced and he is helping his mom seek revenge, for lack of a better word, on his father for different things he has done to them in past, a lot of which is emotional abuse. My husband is consumed by this- working on it day and night and has a lot of anger as he’s dealing with things with his father. I see the situation differently and see the model working in him and how he’s creating a lot of extra pain, drama, and hurt by his thinking. I’ve been trying to figure out how to think about him taking these actions. When he’s telling me everything that’s new with the situation I want to have empathy.

Do I try to put myself in his shoes- with the thought- maybe I don’t know what he is to do and maybe this is best.

I’ve tried that but then I feel like I get “sucked in” which isn’t a thing I know intellectually- but then I start agreeing with him and I feel like I’m adding fuel to his fire.

I’ve also tried giving him other thoughts to try on- that doesn’t go well as I should have known.

I guess I’m wondering if you don’t want to coach someone but you don’t want to be in agreement with them- how do you stay there in the middle? What thoughts do you use to hold space?

Thanks! Hope this makes sense