How to know when to end my marriage.


Dave and I have been married 27 years. Through the work in this program I threw away my manual for him. I recognize he is an amazing man, made by God with wonderful gifts for the world.
Over the 27 years Dave’s alcohol use been something that has impacted our relationship. For the first 22 years, he would drink 8 – 10 beers a night, and fall asleep before I would get home from work. Then I left him and he stopped drinking for about a year. But the drinking started again, now he drinks 1 – 2 bottles of wine a day. He is retired now so often he drinks while I am at work, sobers up and then is not so drunk when I get home.

I have learned the decision to drink is his business. I am not going to control it or ask him to stop. Over the years though, I have noticed a decline in his cognitive abilities and a change to his temperaments. Because alcohol has changed him, I do not enjoy being with him and am disappointed when he turns small issues (i.e., crumbs on the floor) into major issues.

Now what do I do? If I inform him that I am leaving because of his drinking, he will (temporarily) stop drinking for me. I don’t want him to stop for me; I want him to stop for himself. So do I just leave, saying that I no longer enjoy his company? Brooke always says we have to like our reason. My reason is that 50% – 60% of the time I don’t like the way that he behaves. But then Brooke also says that life is 50/50, so maybe this is as good as it gets.

To his defense he is very loving, does all the housework and yard work and supports my work and athletic aspirations in every way someone could want.

I find myself not wanting to be around him even after doing the May work of appreciating all of his wonderful qualities.

Brooke says “If you are happy if you stay or happy if you leave, which do you choose?” I do take full responsibility for my happiness. I am happy either way. But the answer to Brooke’s question is if he is going to keep drinking, I prefer to leave. If he quit I prefer to stay. But then I get back in that circular thought pattern of I don’t want to tell him what to do to please me.

Thoughts?