Thanks for the reply! I saw what I was doing after I posted. These were my models that I identified afterwards. How do these look?
C: I arrived to give a presentation at 7 PM and the event started at 7 PM. My boss hosted the event. My GPS had taken me to an entrance to the building I couldn’t enter through and I spent 5 minutes finding an entrance I could enter.
T: I hate myself
A: mentally spin in self-loathing; judge myself and things I’ve done as wrong; space out and not listen; stare at the wall while I’m in my head; don’t think about others; don’t get curious about others; don’t think about my calendar for tomorrow; feel an urge to run away and avoid people; say very little; imagine my bf is about to break up with me; tell bf I thought he was mad at me; wonder if I am an empath who’s absorbed his negative energy and am attacking myself with it; write into self-coaching scholars asking if HSP/empaths are a thing; blame others for how I feel
R: I’m in a cycle of self-sabotage. I show up weird and creepy and not in a way I like. I give all of my power away.
C: above model
T: there go those thoughts again
A: watch my thoughts, feel my feelings, get curious about all of it, see how others might not think the same judgmental thoughts about me as I’m thinking about me, see how I forgot my schedule for tomorrow because I was absorbed in self-loathing about the past (whoa)
R: I allow the above model as the observer
I am a neutral circumstance in everyone’s models here.
It’s possible people here aren’t thinking the same judgmental thoughts about me that I am thinking about me.
He’s allowed to be annoyed with me.
I wonder what I was doing right before I left that had me leave later than I had planned.
I am still a worthy human, regardless.