Husbands anger


Hi , lately I’ve found my husband to be very easily annoyed, angry and aggressive and I’m having conflicting thoughts about being able to love him.

One example is we were driving home from a family lunch, he was tired and mistook a left hand green arrow for a red light straight a head. I yelled out stop as we were about to hit another car . He slammed on the breaks and we avoided an accident , then he began yelling at me for yelling at him to stop and calling me pretty degrading swear words then had a go about having to go to my family lunch. The kids were in the back. I didn’t say anything back to him as he wins every argument and talks loudly and aggressively. He apologised later. A couple of days later I asked my 12 year old son to come off fortnight and he wouldn’t. When I turned it off half an hour later he yelled at me and used the same language my husband had . I have put it to the back of my mind this was a few weeks ago but it’s been simmering away and we haven’t really connected with one another since. He is back drinking heavily each night. I’m having problems knowing how to begin to think about this. We have been together 17 years, there is a lot of love but I dislike his behaviour so much I’m clouded as to how to think clearly. Could you help me with a starter thought please .

C husband shouts and swears at me after nearly crashing the car
T That is so wrong and not okay
F resentment
A disconnect in small ways. Avoid being close to him or any touch
R keep carrying on as though it’s fine when it’s not. Feel dis-respected and repulsed by him.

T – I can’t talk about this with him. He will either yell at me or try and by pass it.
F – scared (of being belittled )
A – keep quiet
R cant talk

T – I’m not sure how to forgive him and if I should ( logically I know forgiveness is for me – but what do I do next time ?)
F angry
A disconnect
R don’t forgive -hold on

T – I’m married to a guy with an anger management drinking issue.
F worried
A check out of marriage
R problem focused

Thanks