I think I get it

I did a scary thing today and afterwards my brain offered me lots of mean thoughts, like that I was so awkward, I should have been more prepared, I definitely shouldn’t have said that, I hate myself. It felt like a mental beat down. And in moments I just observed it and then it didn’t feel like a beat down. It only felt like a beat down if I thought I didn’t want these thoughts or feelings. I guess it is the resistance that feels like a beat down. It can only feel like a beat down if I am applying pressure. Otherwise there’s nothing to beat? and so, if I can come to peace with these thoughts. if i just expect them to be there after I do anything. and I can just let them be there like my old friends. I can do anything. there’s no reason not to. because regardless of what I would have done, my brain would have said the same thing. because it’s not about what I did or what I said or any of that. these are just recycled thoughts my brain applies to lots of circumstances. and I can talk back to my brain and tell it, no, I absolutely should have said that, I should have done exactly what I did and there is nothing wrong with me, thank you very much.